Confidence With Approaching A Woman

For additional information and more columns written by Kim Chambers visit KimFlex.com

Dear Kim,
I am a fairly attractive male, but I can't get a date to save my life. I have a hard time approaching women for fear of rejection, and I would love some advise on what women want in their men.

Matt.

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Dear Matt,

What a great question. I get asked this quite a bit. There are so many lonely people out there who are so afraid of rejection, especially by the opposite sex, that they would rather be hit by a Mac Truck - than ask a girl out on a date.

First and for-most, you WILL be rejected no matter what you look like, or how much money you have. Not everyone is compatible, and you are not a loser, because someone said "no" to you. So stop feeling sorry for yourself, and get over it! Who knows what's going on in the other persons head, and believe me, in general people are so self absorbed, it has nothing to do with you.

So the sooner you get over the fear of rejection, and realize for every NO you get - you are one step closer to a YES, then the sooner you will be experiencing your dream date, and possibly moving on to second, third, or home for the Score.

Here are a few tips you can take after you leap into the world of initiating a conversation.

Give a woman her personal space, and don't expect anything from her.
Women get tired of being hit on constantly by guys who don't want to take the time to get to know them. Some men have a tendency to move into a woman's personal space way too quickly - especially when alcohol is involved.

Sometimes the man may think he is being charming by commenting on the woman's breasts and how nice her body is; spraying spit all over her face while he's talking. It's a no wonder he gets offended if she rejects him. "I was just giving her a compliment" he says. Chances are it will come back to bite you in the ass if you use sexual comments to compliment her.

Women can feel the hidden agenda that men have right away, and don't want to be smothered by someone they don't know. So when a man steps in too close, or expects the woman to respond quickly to him, then she will feel trapped, pushed into a corner, and want to get away. You will be amazed at how much the women will relax and open up if she knows there isn't anything expected from her.

Take your time.
You just met this woman. You don't need to give her your whole life story in one day. People in general have a hard time with conversation, because they can't listen. They feel like they need to be interesting, when really the key to unlocking a woman's panties, is to listen to what she has to say. The best way to be interesting, is to be interested. People love to talk about themselves, and want to open up, but she won't open up unless she feels comfortable. If she has to compete to get her words in between yours, then she will feel frustrated and close off.

Don't be too accommodating or needy.
Woman don't want their men to be too needy, or agree with them to quickly. .. The less you praise the girl, the better. People in General love a challenge. She will also love a man who has an opinion. Someone who isn't afraid to say what he likes and express his own thoughts, but who is open enough to know that his opinion isn't the end all be all. You can a agree to disagree, but don't be too eager to give in.

Ask open ended Questions
If you give a woman time and space to be able to talk, more then likely she will start to open up. She may also be nervous and not be able to talk to you as well. Keep it light. If you ask open ended questions like. What do you like to do? it gives her an opportunity to open up and talk about herself. If you ask, do you like to go rollerbladding? She could just say yes or no, and that would be the end of the conversation. (Might not want to ask the woman exactly where she lives. She may think you are a stalker and close off immediately)

Be interested in her friends, but not too interested.
A woman's friend is like family. If they like you, more then likely she will too. If you see that things aren't working out with the one you have initiated a conversation with, it's probably not a good idea to turn your back on her and go for the other one. More then likely her friend will be loyal to her, and you will look like an asshole and close all doors.

Practice Being yourself, and having Confidence.
So many people try to be someone they are not. Women have a need to feel secure, and if the man doesn't know who he is, or doesn't like himself she won't give him the time of day. Chances are if you are feeling like a loser, then that's what she's going to think of you too, and who could blame her... That's the vibe you are putting off. Try practicing how you would like to talk to someone. It would be best if you could practice with a partner, but this may be a little awkward with one of your best buddies, and he would probably make fun of you for the rest of your life, so my suggestion is to write down some questions you would like to ask someone and practice reading them aloud. Also it would be good to update your knowledge about current events, so that you have something to talk about. It might be fun to pretend you are one of your favorite super hero's and have an imaginary cape around your neck while you are speaking. I know this sounds silly, but who cares what's silly if it works for you!

Another suggestion would be to practice listening to people while you are out and about. Ask the store clerk how her day was, and then shut your mouth. Be interested. The more practice you have, the more confidence you will gain. If you don't have a hidden agenda, then people will be more amiable to opening up, and who knows - maybe the cashier will go out with you.

So you've got the girl home, and now you feel like you are going to get it on. My next column will give you exercises you can do to have more stamina in the bedroom.

Til then,

Have fun, and relax!!!
Kim Chambers
KimFlex.com


A note to the wise. Don't Talk SMACK!
It's probably not a good idea to talk to your future date about how you dumped the women before her, how your ex-girlfriend treated you like shit, or how she is inadequate in anyway. It may make you feel better for now, but it's your own insecurities, and lack of self confidence that is making you do this. You never know what she is thinking, and because she hasn't made a decision right away to go out with you, it doesn't mean that she won't. If she doesn't... It's her loss. Move to the next girl. If she turns you down, move to the next one... Over time you will get better at approaching women, and gain more confidence.

If this doesn't work, then go to your local brothel and higher someone. It may even be cheaper ;-)